Gone to the Dogs
by Sister of Arthur
Summary: Elladan's begetting day goes to the dogs. Birthday fic for Cierah.


**Gone to the Dogs**

Elladan was not going to get caught. He had taken every precaution he could think of to avoid falling victim to whatever prank his brother had planned for him. From the very instant he awoke this morning he has been on high alert for any potential hi-jinx. He thoroughly scanned the floor before stepping out of bed. He slowly and cautiously opened the wardrobe, peering around the edge of the door, looking for any sign of his brother's mischief. With gloves on (which he thoroughly examined before slipping on), he selected the days clothes and searched for the inevitable itching powder. Or tiny creepy crawlies, he thought with a self satisfied smirk.

After dressing in his itching powder free clothes, Elladan proceeded through the rest of the day with the same unwavering caution. Or extreme paranoia as some were apt to say. All partially opened doors were forcibly kicked open, to dislodge any precariously balanced buckets full of questionable contents. Stairs were avoided at all costs, to prevent an embarrassing fall should the steps be greased. He avidly declined the family breakfast and midday meal. Instead, charming Sídhiel, one of the cooks, into preparing a light lunch for him while he looked on and could monitor the preparation. If Elrohir so much as peeped through the window, he wasn't going to eat it.

Though he knew his seemingly strange precautionary actions were causing raised eyebrows throughout Imladris, Elladan didn't care. All the rolling eyes and quiet snickers would be worth it when he could march right up to Elrohir tomorrow morn and proudly announce that he had outsmarted the younger twin. That he, for the very first time, had avoided the begetting day prank. He would also remind Elrohir that _he_ had not yet accomplished this mean feat, proving that Elladan was indeed the more cunning and wiser of the two. All of this would be said and taken in good fun, of course. Indeed, good fun it will be, Elladan thought with a grin.

Elladan, catching his thoughts wandering, quickly chastised himself for his lack of concentration. Just because he was thus far un-assaulted didn't mean he could afford a lax in his attention. One misstep and all his imaginary gloating would remain just that, imaginary.

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"Sídhiel, have I ever told you how very much I love you?"

Upon hearing the purred question, Sídhiel let out what could only be described as a snort. Without looking up from the dough she was kneading , the cook replied, "Aye, Lord Elrohir. Many times have you said such, and never once have I believed you. Take your charm elsewhere, master rapscallion, I have work to do." The smile in her voice betrayed her harsh words and Elrohir knew to take no offense. Besides, he had yet to acquire the thing which he had come for.

"In the far left pantry, amidst the garlic." Sídhiel answered an unspoken question.

"Garlic, Sídhiel?" Elrohir wrinkled his nose at the offensive smell as he rummaged through the bin of garlic.

"You were very adamant about no one finding it. It was the only place I could think of that no one could accidentally stumble upon it." Somehow Elrohir didn't believe that the bottom of the garlic bin was the only suitable hiding place, but he let the matter drop. Sídhiel had easy access to a vast amount of extremely sharp and pointed objects, best not to question her if one could help it.

"Got it!" Elrohir exclaimed, pulling the much sought after item from the bottom of the garlic bin. Elrohir held up the crystal decanter and scrutinized it's liquid contents. "Did you-?"

"Aye."

"He won't-?"

"Nay."

"He will-"

"He won't!"

:pause:

"If he does-"

"My Lord!", Sídhiel slammed her fist into the dough and sharply turned to face her lord's son, "I have done all that you asked, and that-", She pointed a flour covered finger at the vile Elrohir held, "-is exactly as you wished it to be! Now, if you are quite through wasting my time, I have a formal dinner to prepare. In case you have forgotten, there will be a diplomatic party arriving from Mirkwood today and I do not think it would help relations between our two realms if they were forced to sit with empty plates and hungry bellies because _you _felt the need to pester the cook! " With an impatient huff, the frazzled cook turned back to the abused dough.

Elrohir decided not to question Sídhiel further, sensing he had found her last nerve, and to just accept her word on the subject. Without another word, Elrohir slipped out of the kitchen and went in search of his twin.

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Frantic. Desperate. Worried. These were all very accurate descriptions of what Elladan was feeling. His day had been going so well, too.

It was just after midday and Elladan had been on the training grounds showing off his prowess with the sword and simply enjoying the company of his friends. When, seemingly out of nowhere, he overheard a casual remark on the diplomatic party arriving from Mirkwood. Today. Just after midday. As in any minute. As in his father would slay him alive if he wasn't there to greet their guests.

After giving his friends a rushed apology and a promise to return, Elladan rushed back to his chambers. He was cursing his own stupidity in forgetting about the Mirkwood visitors and his ill timed sparring. Now he was covered in dirt, sweat and grim and needed to bathe in order to be presentable, as a young lord should be. The only problem was that bathing would leave him vulnerable to any number of pranks by his brother.

Trying to both rush and remain cautious, Elladan found this was a difficult combination to master. However, he was fairly confident he succeeded.

Now washed and dressed, Elladan raced to the front steps of the Last Homely House, skidding to a stop at Elrond's side just as the Mirkwood party was riding into view. Elrond took one look at his son's still dripping wet hair and raised a questioning eyebrow. Elladan managed a weak smile in return as his cheeks colored slightly. Satisfied with the silent apology, Elrond turned back to face the oncoming visitors. Looking away from his father, Elladan saw that his mother was silently tsk-ing him, Erestor was frowning in disapproval, Glorfindel was fighting a smile, and Elrohir was looking suspiciously smug. To anyone else, the younger twin's expression would have appeared to be one of pure innocence, but Elladan knew better. That was a look of utter triumph playing on his brother's face. Suddenly Elladan was nervous. He had thought his rushed bath was a success. After all, his robes didn't itch and his hair wasn't green or blue, or any other unnatural color. However, after seeing that particular look on Elrohir's face, Elladan wasn't quite so sure.

As the Mirkwood guests dismounted and approached, Elladan offered his formal greetings absentmindedly, while his mind played over the past fifteen minutes. For in truth, these past few minutes were the only time this whole day that his guard had been down even in the slightest. The impromptu bath was Elrohir's only opportunity for mischief, and Elladan was now quite sure that his twin had seized that opportunity.

As soon as the visiting guests were ushered inside, Elladan dropped his plastered on smile and scanned the area for his twin. He was going to corner Elrohir and force an admission from that little snake. If only he could find him.

The older twin sighed in defeat, realizing Elrohir had fled the scene. The younger twin truly did have a talent for vanishing into thin air. That was just one of the many attributes that Elrohir had, that left Elladan cursing under his breath as he made his way back into the Last Homely House.

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It was a well known fact throughout Imladris that Elladan didn't like dogs. He didn't like them, they didn't like him. It was a mutual dislike. So when Elladan felt he was being followed to the archery field, he was rather surprised to turn around and see one of the stable hounds happily trotting along behind him. Elladan tried to shoo it away, but to no avail. The gray mutt simply wagged it's tail in happy ignorance. Not knowing what else to do, Elladan continued on his way to archery practice, mumbling obscenities about dogs and occasionally glancing over his shoulder to see if it was still following. It was.

Reaching the archery field, Elladan saw a group of his trainee friends come to greet him, mirth written all over their faces. Before anyone could comment on his unusual furry shadow, Elladan shot them each a warning glance.

"Not a word. I tried to get rid of it, but it would not listen.", Elladan justified.

"It?", Tunnion, Elladan's friend since infancy, looked slightly puzzled and highly amused. "Do you not mean 'they'?"

Elladan's eyes widen. He didn't want to look, he didn't want it to be true. Nonetheless, he found himself turning around, confirming what Tunnion said. "It" was now "they", there were two dogs staring up at him where there had previously been one.

Elladan groaned.

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"I need a favor." Straight to the point, Erestor always admired that. Although he didn't admire the fact that the speaker, one Elrohir Peredhil, came barging into his office without so much as a courtesy knock.

Without looking up from his work, Imladris' Chief Councilor addressed the young peredhil. "Try it again, Elrohir."

"But-" Elrohir began to protest, but was cut off.

"Try it again, Elrohir."

"Erestor-!"

"Again, Elrohir!" This time Erestor did look up and gave Elrohir an icy glare. He would not tolerate any disrespect of any kind, especially from one who he had personally taught better than that.

Elrohir gave a low growl and marched towards the door. He swung the door open, stormed out, slammed the door shut, then banged his fist on the abused piece of oak. Erestor had half a mind to chastise the insolent elfling for his tantrum, but decided he'd let this one pass. He was far too curious about this favor Elrohir had.

"Come in." Erestor called.

Elrohir seemed to have lost quite a bit of his steam as he came back into the advisor's office. He carefully shut the door and slunk across the room to come and stand in front of Erestor's desk. Erestor motioned for the younger elf to have a seat, wondering about the sudden change in temperament.

Elrohir nervously licked his lips. "Elladan may come to you with a, uh, problem. And I know that you, in your extreme wisdom, will immediately see the source of his problem. I am certain that it will take but a matter of minutes until you know how it came to be and how to amend it. I ask that you not tell him, or anyone else."

Erestor kept his expression carefully neutral. He didn't want any of his inner amusement to show on his face, there was a deal to be made here.

"I do not grant favors, Elrohir", Erestor almost felt bad upon seeing the crest fallen face of the young half elf. Almost. "I do, however, make agreements. A proper trade of services, equal in value. Would you care to make a trade?"

Elrohir's face split into a wide grin, "Name your price, Councilor."

This time Erestor did allow a smirk to sneak onto his carefully controlled features. "I am having a bit of a _pest_ problem and need your advice on how to _eliminate _it."

Elrohir knitted his brows, "Rats?"

"Rat. Singular.", Erestor corrected.

"A rat?", Elrohir asked disbelieving., "You cannot get rid of _a_ rat?"

"He is a rather large rat."

"Even so, a simple-", Elrohir stopped mid sentence as Erestor's words sunk in. _He_?

Erestor nodded when seeing the smile slowly stretch across Elrohir's face. "A rather large, _blond_ rat?"

Erestor nodded.

"Chief Councilor Erestor , I would be happy to help you with your pest problem. I, and my unparalleled skill in this area, are at your service." Elrohir stood and gave an exaggerated bow.

The two conspirators shook hands to seal the deal before Elrohir took his leave of Erestor's office. Once out of the office, Elrohir barely resisted the urge to break out into song. Elladan's prank was well underway, Erestor's help in the matter was secured, and as a special bonus, he procured the chance to prank one of Imladris' most famous residents. He was having a marvelous birthday.

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He was having a miserable birthday.

This was his brothers doing. Elladan could see that he failed in his quest to avoid Elrohir's prank. Somehow his twin got him, in the form of a pack of dogs shadowing him wherever he went.

Six of the nine (it was nine last he counted) kept their distance in following and did nothing more threatening than sniff the air occasionally. The other three, however, were more bold than their other impromptu pack brothers. These were constantly what Elladan would call too close for comfort'. They were incessant in their sniffing and licking of him. One had even gone so far as to gnash his teeth at Elladan when the elf tried to swat him away. Needless to say, Elladan kept as much distance as possible between himself and that particular canine.

Elladan was on the sitting on the edge of the archery field, staring miserably at the ever growing pack.

Dogs. Of all the animals on Arda, Why did it have to be dogs? Not just one dog either, no it was a pack of dogs. A whole mess of slobbering, scratching, stinking, barking, biting, growling, licking, leg humping, flea ridden, tail chasing, crotch sniffing, foul breathed, leg lifting… DOGS!

Elladan gave a frustrated sigh seeing yet another canine come trotting over the hill. All of Imladris was getting a good laugh over this. Elladan, son of their lord, playing den mother to bunch of - grrrr. Elladan couldn't even finish that thought.

"I still don't understand why they are gravitating to him in such a way.", Some elf who Elladan couldn't remember the name of, commented to Tunnion. The two where seated in the grass next to where Elladan sat was pouting. Tunnion was working on his rope-twisting while the other was lazing in the grass, staring up at the sky asking stupid questions and being completely unconcerned with the horde of dogs merely a few feet away. Elladan decided he didn't like this other elf.

"I mean," The nameless elf continued on, oblivious to the negative thoughts of the peredhil, "they have never done so before. Have they?" He lifted his head and looked to the twin. Elladan, chin still resting in his hands, merely narrowed his eyes in disdain. Tunnion gave a negative grunt in answer, never looking up from his rope work.

"So why would they now?", Evidently this stupid elf who didn't have a name was going to continue on with this discussion whether or not anyone else joined him in it. "It is rather strange, you have to admit. Yes, dogs will sometimes pick out someone they like more than others and follow them around. But for-" No-name elf raised his head again and silently counted., "-ten dogs to pick the same elf, and on the same day no less, as their favorite, that is rather odd. It is also rather humorous. Elladan, you and your pack are the talk of Imladris! Still, it is rather curious. Ai, and it is your begetting day! Oh, they are wishing you a joyful begetting day! "

If Elladan wasn't so worried about sudden movement upsetting the volatile dogs, he would've punched no-name elf right in the nose. Even Tunnion looked up from his work at that comment.

"They are not wishing him a joyful begetting day." Tunnion explained, "This is Elrohir's doing, his begetting day prank on Elladan. He knows that Elladan is afraid of dogs."

Elladan shot Tunnion a withering look for that little admission. Tunnion merely grinned back, completely unaffected by his friend's death glare.

"I am not afraid of them." Elladan ground out through clenched teeth, "I just don't like them."

Tunnion turned back to the nameless elf, "He's afraid of them. Ever since he was nipped by one when he was an elfling he's had this absurd fear-"

Elladan's silent seething turned into a yell of outrage. "I was brutally attacked! That-that four legged demon nearly took my arm off!"

Tunnion rolled his eyes, "It did no such thing. It barely nipped you.", Tunnion saw Elladan open his mouth to retort and quickly cut him off, "Elladan, you didn't even bleed!"

Elladan's mouth snapped shut with an audible click. His face took on what looked suspiciously like a pout as he roughly pushed himself up off the ground to stand. Instantly, all ten dogs were on their feet, excitedly barking and jumping around.

"I have to go talk to someone.", Elladan mumbled before taking off towards the House, ten dogs in tow.

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"My Lord, I beg you, please!", Elladan was within a second of dropping to his knees and crying in hopeless desperation, "Get rid of them!"

Erestor crossed his arms in front of his chest and produced his infamous scowl of disapproval. Here he was, one of the most sought after and respected minds in all of Elvendom, on either side of the sea; Chief Advisor to the mighty and wise Lord Elrond Half-Elven; and what great catastrophe was he presented with? What complex problem or twisted riddle was he asked to solve? How to shoo a few stable mutts! Oh how the mighty have fallen.

"My Lord-", Elladan's pitiful whine broke into Erestor's thoughts.

Erestor fixed Elladan with a hard glare that nearly sent the younger elf cowering in fear "First of all, My Lord Elladan,", He began, stressing the young elf's title, "I am not a lord, you will not address me as such. Second, I am Chief Advisor, not a dog trainer. If you wish to dispel your…", Erestor paused and glanced at the dogs slobbering all over his fine Lorien rug. "…admirers, then might I suggest a rolled up parchment."

Elladan was desperate, and desperate times call for deceptive measures. Elladan schooled his features into calm mask of superiority, much like Erestor wore, and straighten himself to his full height.

"Ah, I see.", Elladan said in a chilled yet vaguely disappointed voice, "Forgive me, I had thought that you would be able to answer the riddle of how this," a quick motion to the dogs, "came to be. I obviously overestimated your skill. I apologize, it will not happen again. I know now that your wisdom is limited to written words and council rooms.", Elladan took a moments pause to scrutinize Erestor's carefully controlled features. From the look of boredom on the advisors face, Elladan's words were having little to no effect. It was time to play his final card. If this didn't work he would throw all pride and dignity out the window and grovel at Erestor's feet.

"Now that the owl has failed in his wisdom, I must look to the fox and pray he has lost none of his cunningness. Tell me, do you know where I may find Lord Glorfindel?", Elladan knew the line had been crossed, there was no going back now. As long as it worked, Elladan didn't care.

Erestor's eyes narrowed as his body went rigged. With painstakingly slow movements, Erestor stalked up to Elladan until he was mere inches from the young half elf. Elladan swallowed hard but stood his ground. He hadn't wanted to use such foul play, but he was desperate and Erestor gave him no choice.

"Sit.", The advisor's quite, hissed word was not to be questioned or disobeyed, and Elladan's reaction was instant. He sat, right were he was.

"In the chair, Elladan!", Erestor roared while roughly pointing to one of two chairs in front of his desk. Elladan was off the floor and in the chair before Erestor even had the chance to take one step in that direction.

In the time it took for Erestor to cross the distance to his desk and get himself situated in his chair, his initial anger at being so well played, for that was the true source of his ire, had started to dissipate and was being replaced with that disinterested yet still disapproving attitude that he approached everything with, as if to say, I'm not interested in what you have to say, but if I were I would disapprove of it.'

At Erestor's silent signal to continue, Elladan started his explanation. "Elrohir did it." Erestor raised an eyebrow at the accusation, but remained silent. "Somehow he convinced all the dogs of Imladris to follow me around."

Erestor gave a heavy sigh, "Start from the beginning, Elladan."

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Erestor massaged his temples with two fingers as Elladan droned on about every minuet detail of his day. It had been two and a half hours since the oldest twin came to the advisor for help with his canine problem. Erestor stopped listening an hour ago and had spent the remainder of the time trying to stave off an impending headache. He didn't understand how a smart elf like Elladan could be so dense. Erestor just wanted to beat the peredhil's head on the desk and scream, 'It was the bath, you idiot! Just take another bath!' But he refrained from such behavior. Not only was it unbecoming of someone of his station, but it would also jeopardize his agreement with Elrohir. That was something he was not willing to risk.

Then Erestor heard the sweet sound of mercy, the dinner bell. The councilor shot out of his chair, "I'm sorry Elladan, I fail to see where your problem lies. Perhaps a good dinner would help clear our minds. Come."

Erestor grabbed a protesting Elladan by the arm and forcibly removed him from the office, ignoring the suddenly active dogs swarming at his feet.

"Now," Erestor released Elladan, "I suggest you wash up and proceed to the dinning hall." With that, Erestor turned on his heel and made a quick exit down the hall.

"But what about the dogs!" Elladan called after his retreating form.

"Be rid of them!"

"If I knew how to do that, I never would have come to you in the first place!", Elladan growled low in his throat, gave the dogs a disgusted look, and marched towards his chambers to prepare for the evening meal.

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"I am sorry I am late, it could not be helped." Elladan offered his apologies as he entered the dining hall.

Elrond gave a disapproving glance, then narrowed his eyes when seeing that his son had…guests. "Elladan, could you please leave the dogs outside?" It wasn't a question.

As Elladan went to take his seat, he shot his sniggering twin an icy glare, "That also could not be helped."

"This roast is marvelous! My compliments to the cook." Elladan started at hearing the unfamiliar voice. He had forgotten that Mirkwood's diplomatic party would be joining them. Just peachy, now all of Mirkwood would be hearing of his canine problems. Elladan shot Elrohir another icy glare, this one promising a very slow and painful death. Elrohir grinned.

Elrond inclined his head in thanks for the compliment to his cooking staff. "Thank you Councilor Caegalan"

"Aye.", Glorfindel agreed, "It is a pity though that you did not arrive a day sooner. Yester eve we were treated to our Master Cook's special rabbit stew. 'Tis no ordinary rabbit stew she makes.", Glorfindel pointed his cutting knife at Councilor Caegalan in a half-threatening manner, as if daring him to question the truth of this statement. "It is a culinary masterpiece. A dish so divine you would swear that your very salvation lay within it's mouth watering depths." Glorfindel sighed and his face took on a dreamy look as he lost himself to the memory of the previous nights dinner.

Celebrian turned to the Mirkwood advisor with her own rabbit stew insight, "The aroma alone is enough to make elves and animals alike come running from every corner of Imladris! All manner of creatures lurk around the kitchens when our Master Cook is brewing her infamous stew." She let out a slight laugh, "Especially dogs!"

Elladan's head snapped up as his mother's words hit him. She was right! The dogs of Imladris loved the smell of that stew, and today they loved him. That was it, that was the key, Elladan was sure of it.  
He smelt like that damnable stew!

Elladan turned to his brother with narrowed eyes. If he wasn't already convinced of Elrohir's hand in the matter, the younger twin's face splitting grin would have surely given him away.

"How?"

"In your cleanser."

"I smelt it!"

"I diluted it."

:silence:

Suddenly, the dining hall erupted into chaos. Chairs clattered to the floor as a laughing Elrohir made a mad dash for the door, with Elladan in hot pursuit, screaming obscenities at his brother. With an overly excited pack of yipping, yowling, howling, barking, mass of multi-colored fur running after them.

Once the cacophony of sound faded into the distance, Caegalan turned from staring in disbelief at the hall entrance back to the other occupants of the table. He noticed Glorfindel looked mildly amused, Erestor was wholly unimpressed, and both Elrond and Celebrian seem completely unaffected, having already resumed their eating. Caegalan's curiosity demanded to know what just happened, but propriety forbade him to ask. After a moments pause, Elrond offered the baffled advisor what he assumed was supposed to be an explanation.

"Today is their begetting day."


End file.
